We are only 19 days into the new year and I already feel like time has flown by. Where has the last 19 days gone? I honestly feel like I have done very little but at the same time feel as though I have been beyond busy.
I think the biggest change so far this year is starting grad school. Now you may be thinking how can it be that different? You just finished an undergrad and didn't take a break in between, you're just going from one school to another. And in part you would be right. I am in the habit of studying and getting my homework done, but at the same time it isn't that simple.
On the first day of class, which was also orientation, I sat there as they start going over everything basically making it seem as difficult as possible to get through. All kinds of thoughts just started running through my head... "Why are you doing this?" "Who's idea was this any way?" "Can I really do this?" Over the last few weeks I have started to feel more and more comfortable with everything but it is definitely going to be a tough road. Honestly I expected that. But I'm not sure if I expected it to be this tough. Currently I'm taking Accounting, which is for sure not one of my strongest classes. The biggest difference between grad school and undergrad... Has to be the fact that I actually read the chapter before going to class. It's amazing how much more you understand when you do this! Slowly I am starting to get to know people in my program and a few are even on the same track as I am which will be nice. I know that by building these relationships it will help to make the process easier and seem to fly by a little faster! Or at least I am hoping that it will!
At times I'm still questioning if this is where I am suppose to be, and if this is what I am suppose to be doing. Especially as I struggle to find a job. It really has been a very difficult process. I feel like I have so much I can offer a company I just don't get why I'm not getting offers. Over time it has really started to mess with my head a bit. Is there something wrong with me? Am I saying something wrong in the interviews? To me I seem to be hitting it off with the people I'm interviewing with but am I really? It really is hard to tell!
I keep having to remind my self over and over and over and over again that God has a plan for me and that in time that plan will show it's self. It will be better than I can ever imagine, and I know he has a job for me that will allow me to not only serve him but also my community, which is something I feel very strongly that I am being called to do. I guess for now continue with school, working on redoing my mom's study and focusing on the job search. Everything will come in time and it will be on God's time, I just have to be patient!