I have spent much of today debating if I should write this blog or not, and if I do should I post it. When I am trying to process something I write about it, it helps me to process the feeling I am having. This weekend was spent at a relationship retreat put on by my church, we had group session, as well as two single breaks out session and one for women. To say that I benefited from this weekend would be an understatement! I really feel like in a way it changed my life and changed how I'm going to live it day to day. The real treat was getting to listen to Randy Storm speak not once by three times! So back to why I wasn't sure if I should write this blog or not... I knew today I wanted to write about my experiences but in light of the death of both Randy and Suzy Storm I was unsure if I should do so. Would it be the proper thing to do? Would it make light of the events? I don't want to offend those who had a close relationship with them and are grieving at this time. After some soul searching I decided the message I learned this weekend was to valuable to not share.
To anyone that knows me, knows that my heart has a desire to be married and to have kids. My past relationships haven't been the best to say the least. I was left with a lot of baggage, a couple trust issues, several scars and I have been unsure on how I will be able to move on one day into a healthy relationship. Through this weekend I came to realize that everyone has baggage and no matter what God still loves us because we are his. We are chosen, holy and beloved in God's eyes.
The most influential of sessions had to be the ones that I spent listening to Randy speak. While both Casey and Chad did an amazing job on their session, I really identified with what Randy was speaking to us about. As someone who is single I often question how I will know when I will be ready for marriage. How will I know when I have met the person God has intended me to spend the rest of my life with? There were a couple things Randy said that have stuck with me and I wanted to share them. The first was "You are ready for marriage when you are content with being single and know what you wont settle less for." This is always something I think I always knew deep in my heart. I knew that I would have to be ok with being single and had to love myself for who I was before someone else would be able to love me. For some reason this just spoke to my heart this weekend. It just seemed to click. I have no idea if this was Gods way of speaking to me through the words of Randy, if for some reason I was finally ready to hear it or if it was a combination of both. All I know is that for the rest of my single days this is something I will continue to work towards and I will try and live my life by. Which obviously is going to be WAY harder said than done.
He went on to tell us that when we decide who we are going to marry to pick someone who we want to run Gods race with. After listening to his story and that of his wife's, Suzy, I have a lot of hope for the future. With out going into to much detail about their stories I realized that I don't have to be perfect for God to work within me or to put the person into my life that I am suppose to spend my days with. He will do this when he is ready. I just have to spend however long this waiting period is working on my heart and my relationship with God so that when it does happen I will be ready.
While I didn't have a personal relationship with either Randy or Suzy they touched my life in a way I never expected going into this weekend. I sat listening to Randy talk to the entire group on Saturday night thinking I can not wait to go through premarital counseling with him. He is going to find a way to get out of me stuff that I didn't even know was there and it's going to be amazing!!! Unfortunately, I won't be able to have that happen, but I do feel lucky to have spent a little time this weekend listening to both of them speak. My life will forever be changed by the retreat this weekend, thanks in large part to Randy and Suzy Storm. As I write this my heart is breaking for all those that I know who had close relationships with them, for those he was counseling, those he had married, and those who will never get a chance to know either of them. Like many I know, I'm taking comfort in the fact that they are with The Lord, together and that Randy can now walk. Their legacy will live on through those who have been touched by them. I hope I am able to pass along the wisdom they gave me this weekend and that it will help someone else with the struggles they might be going through.
Thank you to them both, even though I won't get a chance to tell you this, you have changed my life in a way I didn't know was possible. I look forward to seeing you again one day and getting a chance to have a personal relationship with you both!!!