It's been a while since I have been on here and there has been so much on my heart that I felt like I need to write some of it down, this is my way of processing things sometimes. Bare with me here it's 6 in the morning, I've been up since 5, and I'm not normally up this early. I'm just hoping my thoughts come out coherent.
Almost six months ago that Joey asked my to go on the missions trip with the students to Indy. I had been considering volunteering for a while but wasn't sure if it was what I needed to do at the time, or if I was prepared to do it. Honestly, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. At the time I never could have imagined the ways it would change me.
What I wasn't prepared for was how quickly I would form a bond with my girls. With a few I felt myself becoming more and more protective of them, worrying about them and loving them during that trip to Indy, with others it was more gradual. There have been times that I want to hurt those that are hurting my girls. I walk this line between being their friend and a mother duck, but as I do I can feel God working not only in me but I can see it in these girls.
Growing up due to swimming as much as I was I didn't spend a ton of time in church. My mom and dad showed me a love for Christ and I began to know him, but between practice and school church took a backseat. This is to no fault of my parents they were supporting me in something I loved. However, this caused me to not have a significant knowledge of scripture, my greatest area of concern when working with the girls. I was afraid that because I did not have this knowledge I would not be an effective leader for them. But as I place my faith in God and as I trust more and more in his plan (something that is extremely difficult for me), the more I find myself being at easy with my students. I love sharing with these girls as they triumph, grow and mature, and I hurt when they hurt.
The last couple of days have really shown me the difference between expensive and cheap love. About how as you truly invest in someone the ways they begin to affect your own life, not just how it is affecting theirs. I find myself hurting when I know my students are hurting. This was the case on Friday. I was brought to tears at work as I learned of something one of my girls was dealing with. I found myself praying over and over again for this girl, her family and her friends, praying that God would show me how to handle the situation.
I don't tell you this so I can get a pat on the back, but I share it to show you how much these girls are affecting my life in ways I never thought possible. Through them I am learning so many of God's little lessons. To trust in him and his plan for me, something I really need to apply to another situation in my life, that when I trust in that plan he will give me the tools I need to accomplish it, and that by showing expensive love rather than cheap love I will truly see a true, deep and even sometimes spiritual difference in someone. It's always funny the ways God decides to share these little lessons with me, I will forever be grateful to him that he has chosen to share them with me through these girls!
Well I probably should get ready for work. It's going to be a long day!
Until next time...